Solitary Refinement Chapter 18

Dearest Elizabeth                                January 2nd 2018

    Return to sender. Why are you doing this? You realize you’re not just hurting me but the kids too right? What am I supposed to with colouring books in prison? People already think I’m weird. I’m going to have to throw this stuff in the trash. The stuff I worked to get Alister and Nina for Christmas, in the garbage… This sucks, I’m trying my best from in here to still contribute in some way to their lives, I can’t do much but try to send things if you won’t bring them to visit me. Can’t you see that? Do the kids ask about me? What do they say about me? What does Alister tell his friends at school about why his dad never comes to pick him up at school?

    I got really mad at Joshua recently for suggesting that you would use the opportunity of my absence to cheat on me. Can you believe that? I got so mad at him, I know you wouldn’t do that. I’m pretty mad at him right now, I don’t really want to talk to him for a while and you don’t want to talk to me so I guess nobody will hear from me for a while then.

    I’m going to get a journal, writing words down onto paper is the only thing I come even close to enjoying here. Talking through a pen onto the blank paper, it feels like these pages are the only things listening to me and receptive to my thoughts and feelings and willing to hold them for me. The blank canvas of white paper as it holds onto black ink doesn’t judge me or look for weakness the way the people here do.

    Sorry, I kind of rambled on there, like I said I’ll get a journal for my random thoughts so I won’t have to bother anybody for a while since you’re not talking to me and I don’t want to talk to Josh right now.

Sincerely,

Your husband.