I need more musicI’ve got rhythm in my veins
And a heart that pumps
Not blood but a beat.
To create something
To be consumed by the ears,
To bring into life
Meaningful sound.
My heart beats
In polyrhythms,
And my feet journey
To find the melody.
So you be the woodwinds
And I’ll be the strings,
I’ll learn you first by ear,
And then by heart.
– Vagabond Prophet
Category: Uncategorized
Why I Write Vol.2
If you keep words inside
You won’t explode,
You’ll just die.
Everyone will forget you,
Just occupying a grave,
Keeping it cold for the next owner.
Worse than saying too much,
Is saying too little,
If I pontificate at exhausting length
I apologize but only a little.
One day I will die
And all that will be left
Is my words,
Passed down in words.
– Vagabond Prophet
Why I Write
I need to.
– Vagabond Prophet
Stat!
Hello what is your emergency?
Stickers we need stickers!
Is that all?
Yes sir, we’re right out.
So I ran across the building,
Borrowing from someone else.
Mam, I’ve got your stickers,
You should know people are dying.
Next time I’ll bring
Them oxygen masks,
You can find your own
Damn stickers.
– Vagabond Prophet
You don’t make your coffee like this?
Then you’re doing it wrong,
If water and grounds don’t
Spend time loving each other
What magic can there be?
Your mug deserves better,
Give it the devotion it deserves.
It’s worked so hard
To stimulate your mind
With weak and empty brews.
Instant coffee, pah
More like disdain right now!
Give it time trust me
And it’ll give fertile soil
For the seeds in your soul.
– Vagabond Prophet
Commuting
On my walk to work,
Rain washes yesterday away,
Wash me like a fruit
Don’t let me go astray.
Cars go speeding by
I really hope they see me,
I’m ready for the day now
And this puddle is gleamy.
If the water keeps on coming
It’ll find what’s underground,
I pray it’s strength for the day
Something I’ve not yet found.
– Vagabond Prophet
Insurance
I am the .1 percent
Can’t be disinfected
I’m the tsunami
That can’t be detected
And for the house fire
That can’t be expected
They say insurance,
Get insurance
But insurance is just paper
You scribbled all over
Saying you’ll get money
When your world is over
Money’s just paper
And paper starts fires
This just complicates
And stirs in me a fire
So now you understand
I hope it’s all clear
If you lose everything
That you hold dear
Your paper won’t help you
I won’t be held liable
When I take your life
Like something easily pliable
Because I’m
About
to snap.
Talking to Myself
If I write you a thousand words
Will you see the picture?
Of me alone and wanting you.
If I write ten thousand words
Will you receive the comic strip?
A scene, a day in the life, lacking the warm touch of your breath.
Or maybe this
Won’t work that way
Maybe I’m just
Talking to myself
First tendrils of madness
Soaking in like butter
On warm bread.
It tickles.
Discarded
To dive headlong
Into the ravine
The vee cut neckline
Plunging into the bosom
Of mother nature herself
To die of despair
A pendulum in the air
To swallow handfuls of madness
To dull the crowding sadness
All of these deaths I abhor
But cruelest yet
Is that you ignore
Not a glance, whisper, or touch.
Discarded
Like coupons from a store
You no longer frequent.
Solitary Refinement Chapter 26
Dear Joshua April 15th 2018
I hear what you’re saying and I appreciate that you’re concerned about my safety and that you want to help me take care of the other things dear to my heart. I really do. I just can’t do that though, I can’t talk to anybody about Kal or Trevor and if I know Liz at all if I trouble her with legal garbage than any chance I have of mending things is gone for sure. I just have to hope that at some point the last drop of water will flow under the bridge and she will miss me enough to come by with the kids. With Kal and Trevor though that’s a whole different animal. Let me put this plainly, if I complain that Trevor has threatened me and that I feel threatened by Kal I may be killed. Trevor has friends in high places so I can’t really trust any of the authorities I may complain to, and even if I complain about Kal I don’t want to have that conversation with Trevor when he says something like, “So I heard you don’t think I can keep you safe, well let’s see how who you do on your own.” It’s just, it’s all bad. Thanks for trying to help but this is one of those things that rests squarely on my shoulders.
Yesterday I accidentally broke the tip off of a knife in my cooking class when I was trying to filet a fish and I bent the blade too far trying to get between the skin and the meat. The teacher told me to put the knife in the garbage and get another. I nodded, and pocketed it.
Joshua, please understand me. That was the most terrifying moment of my existence. Not proposing to Liz worried she would say no, not the complicated births of our children, not all the times I had to skulk back home and tell her I was out of work again. This was even more terrifying than that time we were hiking and I slipped on some gravel and almost tumbled down a cliffside, or the time I was driving my car and got hit by a snow plow.
It was a simple enough thing to do that I’m sure nobody noticed, but it was like in that moment I made the decision that I will kill somebody if I think I need to. Like I’m a murderer at heart just waiting for a life to take and nobody else knows it yet. Having finally passed that check mark of morality, that under the right circumstances I’ve decided I will stab somebody to death, I really didn’t feel good about myself in that moment but I also felt like I kind of had to. I also felt a strange sense of power that I wasn’t entirely comfortable with. The means and resolve to kill is not something that sits well with me but I need to get back to my family one day and that means I need to survive prison. I tried to stay under the radar, I tried not to make enemies but I have them anyways.
I didn’t worry about Kal sleeping beneath me as much last night while I lay there with my white knuckled grip on the knives plastic grip. I actually slept a bit myself. My God did I need that. You don’t have kids so I can’t compare my exhaustion to you with even that. When your tired taking care of kids it’s a happy kind of tired. Yeah your sweaty and dirty from playing with them at the park and cleaning up after them in every imaginable way, but it’s your children and you’d do anything for them. The weariness that comes with fearing for your life is so completely different, always checking over your shoulder. Every time I’m standing outside and I feel the wind on my neck I’m filled with dread that I’ll turn around to see Kal pushing me down to do something horrible. Relentless panic is a horrible thing and I hope you never experience it. Maybe animals really can smell fear.
Do you think anybody else here feels the way I do?
Vagabond Prophet 