Tag: peoplewithpoetry

Solitary Refinement Chapter 32

Dear Diary                                    May 20th 2018

   They’ll put me back in general population tonight. They had me in the psych wing for a while to investigate me on account of my saying I wasn’t in control of my own actions when I killed Kal. I heard just earlier today that the man who had ‘hired’ me before I was ever slammed in jail got caught at another robbery. He made a deal to get a few years off of his sentence as he was connected to a whole string of robberies obviously. He admitted that somebody had taken the fall for him before, that they didn’t know what they were involved in. Those dots were quickly connected to me.

    Once realizing that I’d actually been telling the truth I was issued a formal apology and cleared of all charges related to the robbery.

    There’s still Kal though. Tomorrow they decide if I will be charged with the murder of Kal or if I will be acquitted because I acted in self defense and nothing more. It would help if some people who knew more about Kal would testify on my behalf.

Then there’s what they don’t know about… Trevor… Ziggy.

    I did not expect to see Trevor coming in to my room that night. I was in the room trying to sleep without success when the lights went out. Now I’m wondering if it was the storm or if Trevor had Mark or someone else turn the lights off and that’s how he’d gotten into the wing at all. Whatever the case the lights were out. Just the faintest amount of light and it took my eyes a minute to adjust. When they did I saw the silhouette of somebody standing in my doorway.

“About time you got rid of him.” Muttered Trevor’s voice as he slowly walked in. I had forgotten how short he was.

“What the hell are you talking about.” I said to him, I had just killed Kal not long before and had the worst day of my life. Learning about Liz and Josh, I don’t know what happened to me it was both liberating and terrifying. This thought that I’d let things stand in my way that I shouldn’t have. If there are obstacles in my way I should just remove them, the only thing that matters now is getting back to see my children someday, no matter how long it takes and no matter what I have to do. Liberating that I could theoretically just fix this all myself and make it better instead of trying to trust untrustworthy people over and over and over. Terrifying because I didn’t know exactly what I may have to do to get back home unscathed. When Kal was climbing up my bed I just reacted. This was different.

“You finally killed Kal, I was wondering when you’d finally do it.”

“Is that why you told me to protect myself!?”

“You’re so naive, when you walked in hear all those months ago I just new I had to have you. So cute and scared. I tried to get you to trust me but that eventually went south. So then I knew all you needed was a push to get rid of Kal yourself so I could have you moved to my cell. This though, tonight, this is my reward for arranging everything so perfectly.Now I have you, and there is nobody here to protect you and if you don’t cooperate I’ll gut you.” With that he produced a blade from the waist of his pants. I saw it glint in the dim light. It’s strange how I felt in that moment, I wasn’t scared. At first I couldn’t identify what was missing but then I realized I wasn’t afraid, I had been afraid minute of every day since I got here and it had only been getting worse. I had been carrying fear around like a ball and chain getting caught in doors and making me unable to move freely around this place.

    It took all of three seconds to decide how I was going to handle the situation, nothing mattered but survival now. I was going to kill Trevor and make it look like Ziggy’s fault and never doubt that it was what was necessary. Once I’d arrived at that decision there was no way that Trevor was going to have his way even when he had a weapon and I didn’t. The gravity of the decision I’d just made combined with the adrenaline that was still coursing through my veins I felt as though I had the strength of ten men inside of myself.

    Trevor walked closer and closer and while there was still six feet between us I calmly walked over to the wall where there was a box of gloves, I put on a pair. I turned around, and lunged. He swung and missed with his knife and then I knocked him onto the ground. I was moving so fast there was no way he was going to keep up with me. I grabbed the knife from his hands and threw it across the room and then I punched him in the throat, seven times. Every one of those blows was like a freight train taking out all of the pent up panic and fear and rage and anxiety that I had been carrying inside. Then with both hands I clamped down, hard, harder still. He kicked and tried to scream but no sound came. Movies always make choking someone look like a quickly accomplished task. It is not true. I was there, choking that man to death for over five minutes I’m sure. My grip never loosened and my resolve never wavered. In that moment I didn’t even have a choice, I needed to kill everybody that was threatening the safety of my imprisonment. I remember looking into Trevor’s eyes as he breathed his last breath, or tried to breath it I should say.

    Next came Ziggy, I actually liked Ziggy and definitely understand him making security on his own terms now. If he were still alive I might even thank him for that. He was always kind to me, but all the same he had to die. I retrieved Trevor’s knife from the floor and walked over to the room Ziggy was in. I just watched him for a minute. Sleeping peacefully, breathing steadily. I envied him really to be able to sleep so well considering where he was. I regretted not taking his help earlier. No going back though, I raised my knife ready to plunge it into his temple. It was then that his eyes opened.

I didn’t stop.

He was gone in an instant. I don’t want to think about what I saw in his eyes right now either. I set to the work ahead of me. I dragged Trevor back to his own bed and then with much more difficulty moved Ziggy in there too, letting him lie crumpled on the floor. I put the knife in Trevor’s hands.

Removed the gloves.

Started screaming for help.

P.S. Only one chapter left people. Drop me a line let me know what you think.

In the echo of your urgency
I discovered an emergency.
Your voice delicate and beautiful,
Like a spiderweb laden with dew.

I hear the panic in your voice
When you can’t make a choice,
I reminded you if you’re over your head
That’s how you know it’s the truth.

Vagabond Prophet

Solitary Refinement Chapter 31

Dear Honourable Deborah Fletcher                                May 10 2018

    Good morning your honour and the jury. Sorry I’ve never been on webcam before and as I wish to be thorough I have written down my statement so I will be reading it in its entirety. I apologize if that seems rude but I don’t want to miss any details as I know they are important for the jury and their decision.

    The events of the night of April 28th 2018 as I experienced them are as follows. I had earlier in the day had the first visit from my wife that I had had in the entire time I had spent incarcerated. I was informed that she was having an affair with my best friend and was seeking a divorce.

    Later that night my cellmate Kal attempted to climb into my bunk to assault me. I know this because he had threatened me a week earlier saying he was going to assault me sexually and that I wouldn’t be able to escape him. I had tried to tell a guard once but he simply ignored my worries and told me to get in my cell before lights out.

    So on the night of April 28th when Kal made his approach I made a wide slash at his face with a broken knife I had obtained from the kitchen. When he grabbed my wrist and wrenched it free and continued his ascent I grabbed my second knife. This one also obtained from the kitchen that I took cooking classes in. I made a straight lunge into Kal’s throat while both his hands were gripped onto the bed frame ready to swing himself on top of me. He bled down all over his own bed and fell to the ground. I regret my actions and regard them as morally wrong. My actions were done in self defense. Between the jarring news I had received from my wife just hours before, and the threat of this assault made a week prior I was in a state of incredible anxiety and was not in control of my own actions. A guard by the name of Mark then took me to a room in the hospital wing where I would be looked over in the morning to see if I had sustained any injuries myself. I remember walking into the hospital wing, seeing Ziggy in one room, I think he hit his head outside slipping in some mud. I also saw Trevor in another room, I don’t know what was wrong with him or why he was there. I was led to a third room and left to spend the night there. There had been terrible weather, wind and rain that day. There was a brief power outage in the middle of the night for maybe ten minutes, I remember the lights in the hallway going off and it taking a while for them to come back on. In that time the lights were off I heard screaming and smashing in the next room and ran to see what had happened.

    In Trevor’s room I saw Ziggy on top of Trevor with his hands closed tightly around his throat, he may have struck him in the throat to start as he was coughing up blood and struggling for air. I ran over to try to pull Ziggy off but just as I grabbed Ziggy by the shoulders Trevor pulled a blade from his pocket and stabbed it through Ziggy’s temple. I got a lot of Ziggy’s blood on my hands and then I was left to watch Ziggy slump off dead and Trevor die shortly after gasping for breath through his shattered windpipe. I went yelling for help and soon people came and told me to go back to my room. Shortly after the lights came back on.

I was surprised at first to see Ziggy attacking Trevor the way he did. I then thought back on some of Ziggy’s past actions, and what I’ve learned about Trevor since and it started to make sense. Ziggy had previously made me an offer to commit violence to protect me from Kal before. Since Trevor’s death I have learned about his past crimes, those of being a serial rapist and pedophile. If Ziggy knew this it would only make it more likely that he would do what he did. His own crimes being ones of vengeance against sexual misconduct, if he learned the truth about Trevor he could have wanted to lay down justice as he saw fit. Trevor and I had up until recently had an agreement that I would do a portion of his chores and he would keep me safe from Kal. Having previously tried to offer me protection, if he learned about the fact that Trevor had retracted his own protection from me from a known sex predator, combined with the knowledge about Trevor’s own gross sexual misconduct I have very little doubt about why he may justify taking matters into his own hands the way he did.

    That is the extent of my knowledge concerning the events of the night of April 28th 2018. Thank you Judge Fletcher and the jury.

P.S. Drop me a line!

Solitary Refinement Chapter 30

Dear Joshua and Elizabeth                                April 28th 2018

How long has this been going on? I wish I’d yelled all this at you this morning, I was just so blind with rage I couldn’t. You two are lucky I’m much more articulate on paper than in person. You going to tell me Josh? I can not believe this. This is so much worse than the idea that my cellmate might try to rape me tonight. Is that why you suggested I look into divorce? To pave the way for you keeping my side of the bed warm? You really are a bastard you know that. That you would take the opportunity of my wrongful imprisonment to seduce my wife. That is sick really sick. Then when you know I might be dying, instead of letting me die in ignorance you come here with my own wife to try to explain to me about why I should really sign the divorce papers. Couldn’t you have just let me die without dealing with all of this, you obviously don’t care about me at all.

I had been in such a glum mood, as if the weather outside was mirrored in my countenance. It was raining so hard outside and the wind was howling and I remember looking out the window into the storm thinking I’d still rather be out there if it was with my Liz. I was so looking forward to seeing who it was when a guard came and told me I had a visitor. It was still early, just after breakfast just earlier today. I didn’t know who, I thought maybe you Liz had received my last letter and had a change of heart and wanted to let me see your lovely face one last time before I went to deal with what you both know is coming for me. God damn it, it was the happiest I’d ever been in here. I stopped at the bathroom on the way over to try and arrange my hair the best I could, the way I know you like it Liz. Tried to wash away the sweat and wash my face hoping the bloodshot eyes would go away. I didn’t even care about the cave that time looking into the mirror, I would have marched in there alone with weapons brandished ready to laugh in the face of whatever I encountered.

She’s come to see me, finally. This will be okay it’ll take time but everything will work out. That’s what I was thinking on my way over.

Then I saw you both, together. It didn’t even register at first. Damn she’s beautiful I was thinking, wearing the red top and black skirt that I like, your hair down. You looked so good, I just wanted there to be no glass between us so I could touch your hand.

That was until I saw the two of you were holding hands.

That was until I saw you weren’t wearing your wedding ring.

That was until I saw the divorce papers and a shiny new pen sitting on the table ready to slide under the partition. You’d even marked the spots I needed to sign and initial. Well aren’t you thoughtful.

Were you jealous I’d landed myself such a hot wife Josh? Is that it you just had to have one more notch on your bedpost, sorry my bedpost?

Or was it you Liz? Were you so done and tired with me that you figured my incarceration was an easy out? Was I that awful? I know I’m not the smartest or best looking, didn’t make the most money but I loved you and I cared. That’s all I ever wanted from you, why wasn’t it enough for you, that you had to go to my best friend the moment opportunity presents itself? You know if you had just told me you wanted a divorce a long time ago I would have given it to you? It would have broken my heart like you wouldn’t believe, but I’d have done it. As long as I still get to see the kids, and I give you what you want most. That’s what I tried to do just about every damn day why wouldn’t I do it here? I just don’t get it. If you hate me or just don’t love me, that sucks but if you leave me what could I do about it really? This though, this is like intentional torture. Pernicious. Yeah that’s right pernicious. Liz you always wanted me to try and sound smarter, so I’ve been reading books and poetry in here. Hoping one day I could recite you something romantic. Improving my vocabulary so I could impress you with how smart I got. I did all that from inside prison so I could return to you better than when I came here, so you could finally be proud of me.

Yet there the two of you were, just waiting for me to sign. Wouldn’t even tell me where the kids were. Just that they’re “fine”, whatever the hell that means. Oh and that I’d be allowed to see them once I was finished serving my sentence.

Allowed!?

ALLOWED!!!!

Are you kidding me, do you honestly think you’ll be able to keep them from me? Right now I have two knives in my cell and I am prepared to kill people to ensure I get back to my family in one piece. You’re telling me that my children are the only pieces of that left. Everything else is just in my way. I have loved you both, and I have given all of myself to being a husband and father and friend. Father is all that’s left. Do you have any idea what is left of the man who first walked through these doors? In the last week my cellmate threatened and attempted to assault me. He is a sex criminal. Also the person I’d been counting on to protect me, the one who for some reason I don’t even know keeps Kal away from me, he won’t do it anymore. Wouldn’t really even say why, just won’t. I am completely on my own in here and now you tell me I am completely on my own out there too. With the exception of my babies of course. Go ahead tell Alister that I’m coming home, I don’t know how long it’ll take but I’ll get there. I think I may take a page out of Ziggy’s book and decide life on my own terms.

I’ve changed.

You’ll find I can be pernicious too.

A.N. I’d love to know what people are thinking of this story so far.

300 Seconds


300 seconds that’s all it took

To get you to sleep,

I’d sing my favourite songs

And hope you felt the vibrations

Through my chest and into yours.

You’ve known my voice for a while now

And I hope it still spells safety for you.

The older you get and more questions you ask

The more I want to know what you think of the world.

I’m not sure what to tell you,

It’s complicated my son.

Trust people?

No not that, certainly not that.

That was my mistake, it won’t be yours.

Love people?

Yes always.

Be generous?

Yes always.

Yet remember, every man woman or child

That you treat as friend,

Is enemy to themselves half the time.

Our Lord said it best,

Be as shrewd as serpents

And innocent as doves.

I’ll always hold you tight

And steady in the night,

Just as he’s held me

When I got my wounds.

I’ll sing your favourite songs

And hope you feel the vibrations

Through my chest and into yours.

– Vagabond Prophet

Chin Whiskers

White hair and pale eyes to match,

Deep lines in your loose skin

Marking many winters of the body

And many more of the heart.

Mam can I ask about your chin whiskers?

Were you of such a beauty in youth

That in age it requires new roads to travel?

Now that you’re eyes are unclear

And your legs unsteady,

Majesty comes pouring off your face

Now that your words make no sense.

Don’t worry mam I understand now,

You were somebody’s queen

In a kingdom long fallen.

– Vagabond Prophet