We are funny creatures, us humans We seek always to protect ourselves from pain We look for love and for safety in the oddest of places And once we have been burnt, or bitten, or stricken We search for comfort in other forms of harm
We all rely on the same coping mechanisms Trenches etched in our brains since the dawn of times Idealize, dissociate, deny The old machinery runs smoothly as ever But it takes us down some strange and winding paths What we want is shelter but we settle for distraction And what shields in the end also destroys us
We stubborn, headstrong human beings We think we know better We hang on to the poison of our choosing And I am no different I do with thought and memory What others do with cigarettes and a bottle With a razor or a needle I take a blade to the very fabric of my soul To fray the thread which tie me to myself Not cut them, no, not all the way through I could never sever the cord, nor turn it to a noose After all, it is not a death wish but a misguided attempt at survival
I lick my wounds and kiss them dearly Those burning lips talk slowly and always listen I suck the venom from the flesh and swallow it back Feeding feverishly off my own illusions Intoxicated and sickened in self-sufficiency Drunkened in a sadness that softens every blow I withdraw in myself My habit has no substance, but it sure is abuse Yet I should know better You can never evade the issue forever You cannot fully keep it out It only works a time Until the cure itself becomes another illness Until your old refuge is an abyss staring back
Thank you @vagabondprophet for prompting me with “Habits of harm”
Having a hard time describing how much I love this poem. The issues of addiction and addicted people are something that is close to me, I work at a youth shelter and this is so poignant and true. Everybody is addicted to something and we ought not judge.
Its when I see you sound asleep That I berate myself You are so calm, at peace and deep inside another realm I’m lonely with your heart right there Beating by my side Somewhere away, your soul drifts out Without me into night So when I wake you, tickling toes tugging on your ear Bugging you to look at me, please know it’s just I fear That you will leave me one day Not to dream but live away With someone else in mind And in the panic I just need Your eyes to fix on mine
Vagabond Prophet 