vagabondprophet:

Dear Joshua                             October 3rd 2017

Can you get here tomorrow? So I worked a lot and the most valuable thing I can get here with my credit is a carton of cigarettes. You likely can’t do much with that but here it’s a currency better than cash. Trevor says if I give it to him he can trade it to someone else for something he can give to Mark for a bit of cash. I can give you the cash tomorrow if you can visit me. I was able to take a peek at a newspaper and took a look at the classifieds.There is someone not far from you selling a shiny red tricycle. The cash should be enough, if you could pick that up for me and on the morning of the ninth leave it on my front step with a note that just says “Happy birthday Nina from Daddy,”

I’d really appreciate that man. Could you do that?

It really kills me that I haven’t been able to see the kids, I really wish Liz would bring them to see me. I know that I could probably get a lawyer or social worker in here to help me with visitation rights or something but I don’t want to stress Liz out she’s got her hands full with both kids I’m sure. Also if she’s mad at me and I want to have any chance of being on good terms with her again I better not bother her with lawyers and stuff like that. Man it’d probably stress me out too. I’ve got enough to worry about walking around here all the time worried about who’s around the next corner or in my blind spot.

It’s weird I used to worry about the blind spot in my car you know. Saying things like,

“next vehicle I buy I want it to have better visibility.” I never worried about my own blind spot, just me as a person and the area around me I can’t see. In here it seems like the scope of my own vision is just enough to let me know there’s a lot going on I don’t know about. As a result I’m not sleeping all that well. Not sleeping well really makes time pass in a strange way. I know how soon my next meal is but I can’t remember what day of the week it is. Kal still hasn’t said anything to me after these couple months I’ve already been here, but the deepening furrow in his brow tells me he’s getting mad. I think he’s frustrated that Trevor and some of the other guys are always around, Zach and even Mark sometimes. It seems like I’m not alone often when I’m not working or in my cooking program. I’m really glad for that, given Kal’s criminal history I think I can make an educated guess as to why he might want to catch me alone.

Anyways I really hope you can make it tomorrow I badly want to get this present to Nina, it’s kinda been the only goal I’ve had to work towards for a little while. If this goes well I’ll use my work credit to start saving for Christmas presents and then before long after that it’ll be Alister’s birthday in February. I think it helps for me to have something to strive for, makes me feel like it’s not totally pointless and hopeless being here. I’m hoping I can still be a father to these children of mine even if it’s in a pretty remote sense of the word.

Man I used to have such high standards for myself and where my family was headed. I’d work as long as I had to, as much overtime as we needed to get the kids into private school once they were of age for school. I was just about to open RESP’s for both of them so that they could have the opportunity for education when they’re older like I didn’t. Now I’m in prison, I don’t know what school my son has started in, and all I hope for is that they get my presents.

If you come tomorrow I promise I’ll buy all the drinks at the pub for the first year that I’m out. I swear that is the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help me God.