Tag: solitary refinement

Solitary Refinement Chapter 1

vagabondprophet:

Dearest Elizabeth                   June 18 2017

I hope you and the children are well. I miss you guys so much it’s painful. I still cannot believe I’m in prison. Convict, inmate, incarcerated, prisoner, criminal. I never ever thought that these words could be used to describe me.

It all sounds so fruitless to tell you now but it’s just like I said in court. I had been laid off from my job, more workers than they could afford once some of the investors pulled out of the contract. I didn’t want to come home from work early to tell you I had to look for work again, not again.

It was raining that day so I took the bus. When I was at the bus stop I was talking to a guy about how he hasn’t seen me at this time of day before because I just got fired. He was a big guy, broad shoulders, shaved head. He told me he owned a business and was actually looking for able bodied men who take directions well.

“I can do it! I’m your man, let me see it’s Friday today so I’ll get you a resume and references and meet you on Monday? Does that work for you?” I said to him.

“ That won’t be necessary, I trust your word. If you tell me you’re solid I’ll believe you. Just don’t let me down.” He replied.

That bastard! He was so friendly, so kind. You always said I was too trusting of people and I should have listened to you. What was I thinking! Getting hired at a bus stop without any kind of interview or anything. I should have smelled the bull shit right away but I couldn’t, all I could think was how I wouldn’t have to tell you I’d lost my job.

I was so happy. I’d been saved. After one day “working” with this man I find myself slammed in jail, the court, and now here. All so fast.

Day one he just told me that we were just picking up some cash from somebody who owed him on the way to the work site. So we pulled up to the back of this building and he told me to wait by the door with a bag. I just stood there waiting, totally oblivious they were robbing the place until alarms started ringing and cops showed up to cuff me. The bag I was holding had a gun in it I didn’t know about, the other guys had bolted out a different exit.

Now I have to listen to the people here drone on and on about things I really can’t care about. They keep talking about programs that they offer here. Education, skills training, that sort of thing. So many guys here haven’t even finished high school. For me though it all sounds so pointless. They keep reminding us to take our programs seriously as they prepare us for rehabilitation into society. I know how to live in society! I was real good at it too. I had a job, I paid taxes, I got educated. I was a construction worker for goodness sake I was the damn poster boy for responsible citizen. Working hard to support a family, rain or shine. Exercise in the evenings, cycling to work to reduce my carbon footprint. All the stuff these programs are supposed to prepare me for. Now I’m stuck here for five long years.

I can’t even pretend to care about how any of that matters. Right now all I can think of is how today is Father’s Day and I’m in prison. I’m going to end this letter now and go to the visiting area in case you guys decide to surprise me with a visit. It’s the only thought that’s gotten me through the day.

Sincerely,

Your Husband

I finished this a while ago. Would love to know what people think of it, if you like what you read in this first chapter search the tag “solitary refinement” on my page and you’ll find the rest.

Thanks everybody.

– Vagabond Prophet

Solitary Refinement Chapter 33

Dear Diary     June 18th 2019

It’s been just over a year! The air is so much cleaner and bright out here. Especially after breathing that stale concrete air of prison for so long. I’m so glad I’m out of there. The guard who’d told me he was surprised at how long I’d lasted as Kal’s cellmate, he testified for me in court. Just self defense he said, everybody knew what Kal could be like. The other guard, the one who’d ignored me said much the same. Must have felt guilty.

I’m finally with my kids! Full custody once the divorce was settled, she didn’t even fight me hard on it. I think she and Josh moved downtown to a fancy apartment, good for them I guess. I’ve got the real treasure as far as I’m concerned. The first time I saw them I just stared at them unblinkingly and wept. They’d changed so much, Alister had gotten so much taller and stronger and Nina taller as well. She had gotten longer hair and her face didn’t have as much of the baby fat it had when I left.

I don’t think it really even hit me until after I got released what happened with Liz and Josh and the divorce. She cheated on me, with my best friend, while I was wrongfully imprisoned. Wow to put it into one sentence like that really makes it real. It really happened, I’m a divorcee. I always imagined going home and having Liz in the bed next to me to wake up to. I woke up the first morning and there was just nobody there. Once I realized it was time to move on that things were never going to go back to the way they were, it was like trying to pull off a jacket that was stitched right into your skin. It hurt, in a very private way that I don’t talk about much and I try not to let the kids see. I don’t know if I’ll be able to trust somebody again like I had trusted her, I gave her everything, I shared all of myself and she rejected it. I tried so hard just to please her and do right by her and she left me for my friend. Every time I say it, even write it it’s like shoving a razor blade into my heart. It’s easy for me to say I’m over it, that that was over a year ago and I’m ready to move on. It’s a lie though, I’m not ready, it’s all about the kids now and I’m happy with that.

I’ve learned a lot and changed a lot since I’ve gotten out. When I’m home I’m playing with the kids making blanket forts and racing our bikes and having them help me make pizza and cake and different things like that. We read stories and sometimes make stories up too. It is the absolute best. When I’m not doing that and I’m not cooking at the diner down the street I’m reading books myself. A few months ago I was in the library looking for some new books. I stumbled across this big brown paper bag, full of books. You couldn’t see what was in it, just a mystery bag of library books. ‘Heroes’ was all it said on it. I grabbed it and started reading the stack. There were some fiction and some true stories and the thing that struck me was how different they all were while still residing under the heading of ‘heroes.’

Some were brave and cunning warriors who could defeat any enemy in combat no matter how bad the odds. Other’s were non-violent, creating change with their kindness and patience. Some who were rather silent and provided behind the scenes support for others, things they couldn’t have done without. I suppose courage takes many forms. I don’t know who put this mystery bag together but it was very interesting to see the different interpretations of what it means to be a hero. These heroes were so vastly different from one another yet it is obvious to anyone who reads their stories that they were heroic in their deeds. They were all joined with a passion for justice, but with such different avenues they all explored to get there. Justice, what a joke. Justice has never gotten me anything but trouble and regret. I went in to jail innocent and came out guilty. How messed up is that, after a year of trying to ignore it I can say it’s really not working. I’m not sleeping well again. Now when I close my eyes I’m transported back to that night.

I remember the look in Kal’s eyes when I killed him.

I remember the look in Trevor’s eyes when I killed him.

I remember the look in Ziggy’s eyes when I killed him.

It was the same look I had seen in my own eyes a hundred times in the mirror. I saw the cave in their eyes too. I couldn’t think about it then, I couldn’t have the distraction from what I thought was a terrible but inevitable and necessary duty. The veins in their eyes like roots running along the forest floor, stopping abruptly before the rock. The stone cold unblinking gaze of being petrified with terror the moment before they didn’t feel anything at all. I watched the moment their eyes changed from portraying fright to simply nothing. They were all scared just the same as me, the three people in the entire prison I thought least likely to be afraid. How did they hide it so well? Maybe they didn’t but I didn’t notice because I was so afraid myself. Kal, huge hulking Kal who’d terrified me for months and made it difficult for me to sleep. What had happened to him to make him feel fear? Those are questions I don’t have answers for, all I really know is that I saw the same fear in their eyes as I’d seen in my own. After seeing it I still decided to end their lives. So if I can make those decisions after seeing that those other people were just as frightened as me maybe I’m not a hero. None of the heroes in these books are like that, there’s such a vast array of characteristics but none of them would have done something like that. I’d like to be counted among heroes but I don’t think I can be.

I reminisced on the incident again. I was absolutely in control of my actions, as soon as Trevor walked into my room that night I calculated exactly what was going to happen and it did. Kill Trevor, kill Ziggy, make it look like they killed each other. I didn’t even question it or hesitate or try to reason with the idea I just did it. I executed that plan, with the deft fingers of a man who’s done something a hundred times.

For the first long time after I got free I slept so well, it was wonderful. After a while though I had this dream once or twice a week. A month later it was every other night, now it’s every single night. In this nightmare there was the cave again but different than when I was young. I wasn’t in the forest being dragged into the cave. In this dream I found myself in a dark place, I couldn’t even see my own hand in front of me. I started scratching at the walls, noticing that my fingernails were longer and stronger and sharper than usual. Soon I realized I could see a faint path, and my eyes were different. Everything was grey, no colours to speak of. I followed the path with haggard breath and staggered steps but at a quick pace. Then around a bend a wide opening and three men all looking at me like they want to kill me. I didn’t waste any time, I leapt out from the darkness of this place. To my own astonishment I heard growls and barks come from my own mouth and saw claws long as sabres coming out of my hands, except they weren’t hands. Mercilessly cutting into flesh and tearing the men to pieces, I felt afraid when I did it because they were trying to kill me too but I didn’t stop. When they were dead I took their bodies one by one into what was now clearly the cave and when I was dragging the last one, I saw my own reflection in a puddle. I had long claws, fur, bright green eyes and a lupine face. Long dark snout and nostrils releasing spurts of hot air into the sky. That’s when I woke up. I’d always been curious but too afraid to explore the cave, and now it had explored me and found I belonged there. That I had experienced being both the scared man in the forest and the beast coming from the cave that was also curiously frightened. I couldn’t deny it anymore, the truth was unavoidable. Everybody is scared, and everybody is capable of terrible things.

I’m not so naive anymore, I see people for who they are and I don’t trust everybody so easily now. I see that everybody is looking for the same thing. Everybody wants to feel accepted, like home is a real place. Like somebody could know them through and through and not hate them. People don’t often get that acceptance or feeling of security so they act out, or do things that make them difficult to trust. I just have an easier time seeing the disease rather than just the symptom now.

Prison changed me, made me a person that sees more and understands more. I know I’m not a hero, and there are real people who are heroes. So maybe it’s possible to become a hero, somebody the kids can really look up to. They look up to me now, but they don’t know what I’ve done. The way I talk to them, about homeless people or about mean people we see on the street they probably think I’m passionate about justice just like all the heroes, but I know better. I can’t sleep, this is tearing me apart. I’m a murderer and liar walking free and everybody believes I am simply a wrongly accused man. Some people recognize me from newspapers and say things like, “I’m so sorry,” and, “so tragic, what a world we live in that things like that are even possible.” They don’t know the half of it. It makes me sick, literally. I’m losing weight. I don’t have that much of an appetite these days. I just feel like I don’t deserve it.

Everyday that I am free I feel like the gap between me and the heroes in those books widens and widens.

I can’t get this one quote out of my head, “You are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.” Maybe if I had a real passion for justice I’d do something about it, and I think I know what it is too.

It terrifies me.

Well that’s a start.

THE END

P.S. Leave me a message, would love to know what people are thinking.

Solitary Refinement Chapter 32

Dear Diary                                    May 20th 2018

   They’ll put me back in general population tonight. They had me in the psych wing for a while to investigate me on account of my saying I wasn’t in control of my own actions when I killed Kal. I heard just earlier today that the man who had ‘hired’ me before I was ever slammed in jail got caught at another robbery. He made a deal to get a few years off of his sentence as he was connected to a whole string of robberies obviously. He admitted that somebody had taken the fall for him before, that they didn’t know what they were involved in. Those dots were quickly connected to me.

    Once realizing that I’d actually been telling the truth I was issued a formal apology and cleared of all charges related to the robbery.

    There’s still Kal though. Tomorrow they decide if I will be charged with the murder of Kal or if I will be acquitted because I acted in self defense and nothing more. It would help if some people who knew more about Kal would testify on my behalf.

Then there’s what they don’t know about… Trevor… Ziggy.

    I did not expect to see Trevor coming in to my room that night. I was in the room trying to sleep without success when the lights went out. Now I’m wondering if it was the storm or if Trevor had Mark or someone else turn the lights off and that’s how he’d gotten into the wing at all. Whatever the case the lights were out. Just the faintest amount of light and it took my eyes a minute to adjust. When they did I saw the silhouette of somebody standing in my doorway.

“About time you got rid of him.” Muttered Trevor’s voice as he slowly walked in. I had forgotten how short he was.

“What the hell are you talking about.” I said to him, I had just killed Kal not long before and had the worst day of my life. Learning about Liz and Josh, I don’t know what happened to me it was both liberating and terrifying. This thought that I’d let things stand in my way that I shouldn’t have. If there are obstacles in my way I should just remove them, the only thing that matters now is getting back to see my children someday, no matter how long it takes and no matter what I have to do. Liberating that I could theoretically just fix this all myself and make it better instead of trying to trust untrustworthy people over and over and over. Terrifying because I didn’t know exactly what I may have to do to get back home unscathed. When Kal was climbing up my bed I just reacted. This was different.

“You finally killed Kal, I was wondering when you’d finally do it.”

“Is that why you told me to protect myself!?”

“You’re so naive, when you walked in hear all those months ago I just new I had to have you. So cute and scared. I tried to get you to trust me but that eventually went south. So then I knew all you needed was a push to get rid of Kal yourself so I could have you moved to my cell. This though, tonight, this is my reward for arranging everything so perfectly.Now I have you, and there is nobody here to protect you and if you don’t cooperate I’ll gut you.” With that he produced a blade from the waist of his pants. I saw it glint in the dim light. It’s strange how I felt in that moment, I wasn’t scared. At first I couldn’t identify what was missing but then I realized I wasn’t afraid, I had been afraid minute of every day since I got here and it had only been getting worse. I had been carrying fear around like a ball and chain getting caught in doors and making me unable to move freely around this place.

    It took all of three seconds to decide how I was going to handle the situation, nothing mattered but survival now. I was going to kill Trevor and make it look like Ziggy’s fault and never doubt that it was what was necessary. Once I’d arrived at that decision there was no way that Trevor was going to have his way even when he had a weapon and I didn’t. The gravity of the decision I’d just made combined with the adrenaline that was still coursing through my veins I felt as though I had the strength of ten men inside of myself.

    Trevor walked closer and closer and while there was still six feet between us I calmly walked over to the wall where there was a box of gloves, I put on a pair. I turned around, and lunged. He swung and missed with his knife and then I knocked him onto the ground. I was moving so fast there was no way he was going to keep up with me. I grabbed the knife from his hands and threw it across the room and then I punched him in the throat, seven times. Every one of those blows was like a freight train taking out all of the pent up panic and fear and rage and anxiety that I had been carrying inside. Then with both hands I clamped down, hard, harder still. He kicked and tried to scream but no sound came. Movies always make choking someone look like a quickly accomplished task. It is not true. I was there, choking that man to death for over five minutes I’m sure. My grip never loosened and my resolve never wavered. In that moment I didn’t even have a choice, I needed to kill everybody that was threatening the safety of my imprisonment. I remember looking into Trevor’s eyes as he breathed his last breath, or tried to breath it I should say.

    Next came Ziggy, I actually liked Ziggy and definitely understand him making security on his own terms now. If he were still alive I might even thank him for that. He was always kind to me, but all the same he had to die. I retrieved Trevor’s knife from the floor and walked over to the room Ziggy was in. I just watched him for a minute. Sleeping peacefully, breathing steadily. I envied him really to be able to sleep so well considering where he was. I regretted not taking his help earlier. No going back though, I raised my knife ready to plunge it into his temple. It was then that his eyes opened.

I didn’t stop.

He was gone in an instant. I don’t want to think about what I saw in his eyes right now either. I set to the work ahead of me. I dragged Trevor back to his own bed and then with much more difficulty moved Ziggy in there too, letting him lie crumpled on the floor. I put the knife in Trevor’s hands.

Removed the gloves.

Started screaming for help.

P.S. Only one chapter left people. Drop me a line let me know what you think.

Solitary Refinement Chapter 31

Dear Honourable Deborah Fletcher                                May 10 2018

    Good morning your honour and the jury. Sorry I’ve never been on webcam before and as I wish to be thorough I have written down my statement so I will be reading it in its entirety. I apologize if that seems rude but I don’t want to miss any details as I know they are important for the jury and their decision.

    The events of the night of April 28th 2018 as I experienced them are as follows. I had earlier in the day had the first visit from my wife that I had had in the entire time I had spent incarcerated. I was informed that she was having an affair with my best friend and was seeking a divorce.

    Later that night my cellmate Kal attempted to climb into my bunk to assault me. I know this because he had threatened me a week earlier saying he was going to assault me sexually and that I wouldn’t be able to escape him. I had tried to tell a guard once but he simply ignored my worries and told me to get in my cell before lights out.

    So on the night of April 28th when Kal made his approach I made a wide slash at his face with a broken knife I had obtained from the kitchen. When he grabbed my wrist and wrenched it free and continued his ascent I grabbed my second knife. This one also obtained from the kitchen that I took cooking classes in. I made a straight lunge into Kal’s throat while both his hands were gripped onto the bed frame ready to swing himself on top of me. He bled down all over his own bed and fell to the ground. I regret my actions and regard them as morally wrong. My actions were done in self defense. Between the jarring news I had received from my wife just hours before, and the threat of this assault made a week prior I was in a state of incredible anxiety and was not in control of my own actions. A guard by the name of Mark then took me to a room in the hospital wing where I would be looked over in the morning to see if I had sustained any injuries myself. I remember walking into the hospital wing, seeing Ziggy in one room, I think he hit his head outside slipping in some mud. I also saw Trevor in another room, I don’t know what was wrong with him or why he was there. I was led to a third room and left to spend the night there. There had been terrible weather, wind and rain that day. There was a brief power outage in the middle of the night for maybe ten minutes, I remember the lights in the hallway going off and it taking a while for them to come back on. In that time the lights were off I heard screaming and smashing in the next room and ran to see what had happened.

    In Trevor’s room I saw Ziggy on top of Trevor with his hands closed tightly around his throat, he may have struck him in the throat to start as he was coughing up blood and struggling for air. I ran over to try to pull Ziggy off but just as I grabbed Ziggy by the shoulders Trevor pulled a blade from his pocket and stabbed it through Ziggy’s temple. I got a lot of Ziggy’s blood on my hands and then I was left to watch Ziggy slump off dead and Trevor die shortly after gasping for breath through his shattered windpipe. I went yelling for help and soon people came and told me to go back to my room. Shortly after the lights came back on.

I was surprised at first to see Ziggy attacking Trevor the way he did. I then thought back on some of Ziggy’s past actions, and what I’ve learned about Trevor since and it started to make sense. Ziggy had previously made me an offer to commit violence to protect me from Kal before. Since Trevor’s death I have learned about his past crimes, those of being a serial rapist and pedophile. If Ziggy knew this it would only make it more likely that he would do what he did. His own crimes being ones of vengeance against sexual misconduct, if he learned the truth about Trevor he could have wanted to lay down justice as he saw fit. Trevor and I had up until recently had an agreement that I would do a portion of his chores and he would keep me safe from Kal. Having previously tried to offer me protection, if he learned about the fact that Trevor had retracted his own protection from me from a known sex predator, combined with the knowledge about Trevor’s own gross sexual misconduct I have very little doubt about why he may justify taking matters into his own hands the way he did.

    That is the extent of my knowledge concerning the events of the night of April 28th 2018. Thank you Judge Fletcher and the jury.

P.S. Drop me a line!

Solitary Refinement Chapter 30

Dear Joshua and Elizabeth                                April 28th 2018

How long has this been going on? I wish I’d yelled all this at you this morning, I was just so blind with rage I couldn’t. You two are lucky I’m much more articulate on paper than in person. You going to tell me Josh? I can not believe this. This is so much worse than the idea that my cellmate might try to rape me tonight. Is that why you suggested I look into divorce? To pave the way for you keeping my side of the bed warm? You really are a bastard you know that. That you would take the opportunity of my wrongful imprisonment to seduce my wife. That is sick really sick. Then when you know I might be dying, instead of letting me die in ignorance you come here with my own wife to try to explain to me about why I should really sign the divorce papers. Couldn’t you have just let me die without dealing with all of this, you obviously don’t care about me at all.

I had been in such a glum mood, as if the weather outside was mirrored in my countenance. It was raining so hard outside and the wind was howling and I remember looking out the window into the storm thinking I’d still rather be out there if it was with my Liz. I was so looking forward to seeing who it was when a guard came and told me I had a visitor. It was still early, just after breakfast just earlier today. I didn’t know who, I thought maybe you Liz had received my last letter and had a change of heart and wanted to let me see your lovely face one last time before I went to deal with what you both know is coming for me. God damn it, it was the happiest I’d ever been in here. I stopped at the bathroom on the way over to try and arrange my hair the best I could, the way I know you like it Liz. Tried to wash away the sweat and wash my face hoping the bloodshot eyes would go away. I didn’t even care about the cave that time looking into the mirror, I would have marched in there alone with weapons brandished ready to laugh in the face of whatever I encountered.

She’s come to see me, finally. This will be okay it’ll take time but everything will work out. That’s what I was thinking on my way over.

Then I saw you both, together. It didn’t even register at first. Damn she’s beautiful I was thinking, wearing the red top and black skirt that I like, your hair down. You looked so good, I just wanted there to be no glass between us so I could touch your hand.

That was until I saw the two of you were holding hands.

That was until I saw you weren’t wearing your wedding ring.

That was until I saw the divorce papers and a shiny new pen sitting on the table ready to slide under the partition. You’d even marked the spots I needed to sign and initial. Well aren’t you thoughtful.

Were you jealous I’d landed myself such a hot wife Josh? Is that it you just had to have one more notch on your bedpost, sorry my bedpost?

Or was it you Liz? Were you so done and tired with me that you figured my incarceration was an easy out? Was I that awful? I know I’m not the smartest or best looking, didn’t make the most money but I loved you and I cared. That’s all I ever wanted from you, why wasn’t it enough for you, that you had to go to my best friend the moment opportunity presents itself? You know if you had just told me you wanted a divorce a long time ago I would have given it to you? It would have broken my heart like you wouldn’t believe, but I’d have done it. As long as I still get to see the kids, and I give you what you want most. That’s what I tried to do just about every damn day why wouldn’t I do it here? I just don’t get it. If you hate me or just don’t love me, that sucks but if you leave me what could I do about it really? This though, this is like intentional torture. Pernicious. Yeah that’s right pernicious. Liz you always wanted me to try and sound smarter, so I’ve been reading books and poetry in here. Hoping one day I could recite you something romantic. Improving my vocabulary so I could impress you with how smart I got. I did all that from inside prison so I could return to you better than when I came here, so you could finally be proud of me.

Yet there the two of you were, just waiting for me to sign. Wouldn’t even tell me where the kids were. Just that they’re “fine”, whatever the hell that means. Oh and that I’d be allowed to see them once I was finished serving my sentence.

Allowed!?

ALLOWED!!!!

Are you kidding me, do you honestly think you’ll be able to keep them from me? Right now I have two knives in my cell and I am prepared to kill people to ensure I get back to my family in one piece. You’re telling me that my children are the only pieces of that left. Everything else is just in my way. I have loved you both, and I have given all of myself to being a husband and father and friend. Father is all that’s left. Do you have any idea what is left of the man who first walked through these doors? In the last week my cellmate threatened and attempted to assault me. He is a sex criminal. Also the person I’d been counting on to protect me, the one who for some reason I don’t even know keeps Kal away from me, he won’t do it anymore. Wouldn’t really even say why, just won’t. I am completely on my own in here and now you tell me I am completely on my own out there too. With the exception of my babies of course. Go ahead tell Alister that I’m coming home, I don’t know how long it’ll take but I’ll get there. I think I may take a page out of Ziggy’s book and decide life on my own terms.

I’ve changed.

You’ll find I can be pernicious too.

A.N. I’d love to know what people are thinking of this story so far.

Solitary Refinement Chapter 1

vagabondprophet:

Dearest Elizabeth                   June 18 2017

I hope you and the children are well. I miss you guys so much it’s painful. I still cannot believe I’m in prison. Convict, inmate, incarcerated, prisoner, criminal. I never ever thought that these words could be used to describe me.

It all sounds so fruitless to tell you now but it’s just like I said in court. I had been laid off from my job, more workers than they could afford once some of the investors pulled out of the contract. I didn’t want to come home from work early to tell you I had to look for work again, not again.

It was raining that day so I took the bus. When I was at the bus stop I was talking to a guy about how he hasn’t seen me at this time of day before because I just got fired. He was a big guy, broad shoulders, shaved head. He told me he owned a business and was actually looking for able bodied men who take directions well.

“I can do it! I’m your man, let me see it’s Friday today so I’ll get you a resume and references and meet you on Monday? Does that work for you?” I said to him.

“ That won’t be necessary, I trust your word. If you tell me you’re solid I’ll believe you. Just don’t let me down.” He replied.

That bastard! He was so friendly, so kind. You always said I was too trusting of people and I should have listened to you. What was I thinking! Getting hired at a bus stop without any kind of interview or anything. I should have smelled the bull shit right away but I couldn’t, all I could think was how I wouldn’t have to tell you I’d lost my job.

I was so happy. I’d been saved. After one day “working” with this man I find myself slammed in jail, the court, and now here. All so fast.

Day one he just told me that we were just picking up some cash from somebody who owed him on the way to the work site. So we pulled up to the back of this building and he told me to wait by the door with a bag. I just stood there waiting, totally oblivious they were robbing the place until alarms started ringing and cops showed up to cuff me. The bag I was holding had a gun in it I didn’t know about, the other guys had bolted out a different exit.

Now I have to listen to the people here drone on and on about things I really can’t care about. They keep talking about programs that they offer here. Education, skills training, that sort of thing. So many guys here haven’t even finished high school. For me though it all sounds so pointless. They keep reminding us to take our programs seriously as they prepare us for rehabilitation into society. I know how to live in society! I was real good at it too. I had a job, I paid taxes, I got educated. I was a construction worker for goodness sake I was the damn poster boy for responsible citizen. Working hard to support a family, rain or shine. Exercise in the evenings, cycling to work to reduce my carbon footprint. All the stuff these programs are supposed to prepare me for. Now I’m stuck here for five long years.

I can’t even pretend to care about how any of that matters. Right now all I can think of is how today is Father’s Day and I’m in prison. I’m going to end this letter now and go to the visiting area in case you guys decide to surprise me with a visit. It’s the only thought that’s gotten me through the day.

Sincerely,

Your Husband

Solitary Refinement Chapter 29

vagabondprophet:

Dear Joshua     April 26th 2018

It’s official I’m the worst father ever. Alister’s birthday was two months ago and I forgot! I was so busy looking over my shoulder and worried about hidden intentions from every face I pass I forgot my own sons birthday! Can you believe that? I have so much credit from work now I could have gotten him a whole stack of books, if Liz would let him have it of course. I feel like such shit that I did that, I’ve been sweating every minute of every day on account of the fear I feel, like it’s in my blood, or in my eyes. That cave entrance again, every mirror I look at. Everything I’ve been going through, all the weight I’ve lost and how scrawny and pale and bloodshot I’ve become doesn’t excuse this. What can I do now though, hope Alister forgives me? I don’t doubt he will, he knows by now I’m not reachable to him. As far as hoping Liz forgives me for forgetting it, I guess I can just add it to the damn pile of things I hope she one day forgives me for.

At least I’m still alive, I haven’t slept a wink since the night he first came at me. Every day at breakfast lunch and dinner he sits across from me now. If I get up to move he just follows. He looks me straight in the eyes as he eats his food. He ends every such time with a single word, “Tonight.”

Tonight?! Tonight what? Like I don’t know. He’s been doing this for a week, knowing I’m not sleeping. Sadistic bastard just wants to see me squirm. The things I’ve been brainstorming are insane, different ways to kill someone with a knife. I swiped another one from the kitchen. I didn’t bother with a broken one but rather a nice big sharp one. I just grabbed it when the instructor wasn’t looking. I keep it under my pillow now in case Kal takes the first knife, the one he met the other night.

Trevor too, shit Trevor. Yesterday he told me he won’t be able to babysit me anymore. I ignored the offense of the statement and simply asked him why.

“I don’t want to, I just don’t want to. Protect yourself you wimp.”

And when I pleaded him to keep me safe from Kal and told him what had happened he just backhanded me hard. I’ve got a real nice bruise on my right cheek now.

Can you come visit me? I’ve noticed the weather is crazy but could you try? I saw from the yard that some trees out by the road had fallen over by the wind and that the clouds looked pretty sinister. It might be the last chance you get I have no idea what the future holds but I know the face of a friend would be a welcome site.

A.N. So close! Leave me some words please!

Solitary Refinement Chapter 29

vagabondprophet:

Dear Joshua     April 26th 2018

It’s official I’m the worst father ever. Alister’s birthday was two months ago and I forgot! I was so busy looking over my shoulder and worried about hidden intentions from every face I pass I forgot my own sons birthday! Can you believe that? I have so much credit from work now I could have gotten him a whole stack of books, if Liz would let him have it of course. I feel like such shit that I did that, I’ve been sweating every minute of every day on account of the fear I feel, like it’s in my blood, or in my eyes. That cave entrance again, every mirror I look at. Everything I’ve been going through, all the weight I’ve lost and how scrawny and pale and bloodshot I’ve become doesn’t excuse this. What can I do now though, hope Alister forgives me? I don’t doubt he will, he knows by now I’m not reachable to him. As far as hoping Liz forgives me for forgetting it, I guess I can just add it to the damn pile of things I hope she one day forgives me for.

At least I’m still alive, I haven’t slept a wink since the night he first came at me. Every day at breakfast lunch and dinner he sits across from me now. If I get up to move he just follows. He looks me straight in the eyes as he eats his food. He ends every such time with a single word, “Tonight.”

Tonight?! Tonight what? Like I don’t know. He’s been doing this for a week, knowing I’m not sleeping. Sadistic bastard just wants to see me squirm. The things I’ve been brainstorming are insane, different ways to kill someone with a knife. I swiped another one from the kitchen. I didn’t bother with a broken one but rather a nice big sharp one. I just grabbed it when the instructor wasn’t looking. I keep it under my pillow now in case Kal takes the first knife, the one he met the other night.

Trevor too, shit Trevor. Yesterday he told me he won’t be able to babysit me anymore. I ignored the offense of the statement and simply asked him why.

“I don’t want to, I just don’t want to. Protect yourself you wimp.”

And when I pleaded him to keep me safe from Kal and told him what had happened he just backhanded me hard. I’ve got a real nice bruise on my right cheek now.

Can you come visit me? I’ve noticed the weather is crazy but could you try? I saw from the yard that some trees out by the road had fallen over by the wind and that the clouds looked pretty sinister. It might be the last chance you get I have no idea what the future holds but I know the face of a friend would be a welcome site.

A.N. So close! Leave me some words please!