Tag: spilled writing

vagabondprophet:

Carried by the Wind

If you bleed out

Of all our veins,

I’ll still see you

In every drop that rains.

We can fill almost anything

Except this hole inside,

But I filled it once before

I filled it with the tide.

We go nowhere fast

Our swings don’t meet your pars.

I get farther than before

When I look unto your stars.

Our hearts are filled with sorrows

We sing songs of glee,

I find comfort in the rising waves

Of your endless see.

Our roots go so shallow

And we still think we’re ready,

The roots of your trees deeper

They are far more steady.

I find solace in an island

Under the burning sun,

It says I can survive

That there is hope in one.

When I see clouds approaching

I don’t know what they’re bringing

But I know you’ve sent them

To stop my ears ringing.

I looked at these mountains

And to me they have spoken,

They said you’re unshakeable

That you can’t be broken.

With our legs we run and trip

And get our knees skinned,

If we could just stop trying

We’d be carried by your wind.

– Vagabond Prophet

– Another really old one from ten years ago that I found in an old journal. That’s the last oldie I promise.

vagabondprophet:

Solitary Refinement Chapter 15

Dear Joshua                                       December 10th 2017

    Hey man so I really don’t know what to do at this particular juncture. I think I’m in trouble with the one person I thought I could trust. I don’t know what I thought I was doing but I was so tired from working so much and from sleeping so badly that I spoke without thinking. I’m such an idiot sometimes, just like back at the bus stop where this all started. Trusting people I don’t know, and it gets me in trouble what else is new. Bloody dumbass I am, of course he just wants me to do stuff for him; keeping me safe isn’t too much of an inconvenience for him but if I do all his chores that frees his time up.

    We were mopping the floors in one of the other cell blocks while those inmates got yard time. He asked me if I could mop his half so he could go chill out in the rec room.

“Man I’m tired of doing all of your work, can’t you do your own mopping for once?” That’s what I said! Can you believe it? The way he looked at me, eyeing me up and down as if for the first time all over again.

He just kind of chuckled a bit and then said, “Oh yeah sure thing.” Then he didn’t say another word and kept mopping.

Later that same day we were all eating supper in the cafeteria and Mark was on guard just standing over in the corner where he can see everybody. The last thing I remember seeing was him turn his back on everybody and then I felt somebody grab me by the hair and slam my head into the table so hard I passed out. When I woke up a while later everybody I had been sitting with was sitting somewhere else and engaged with small talk as if nothing had happened. A small pool of blood in my mashed potatoes reflecting my image back at me showing I had a split lip and I was bruised around my nose and brow. My appetite gone I headed back to my bunk and found a note on my pillow in such haphazard and erratic handwriting it looked as though it had been written while falling down a flight of stairs.

“Don’t say no to him again.”

No name signed, no saying what might happen to me if I disobeyed, never seen this writing before.

Well shit, I’m in deep now Josh. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Kal freaks me out so damn much, did I tell you he started giggling in his sleep? Creepiest thing ever, I can’t deal with him I just can’t. I need the protection I get from Trevor I just hope I don’t have to do anything too awful for it, I really don’t like being in this position of worrying about both of them.

Funny I never broke the rules until I was in prison. I never even skipped gym in high school. Remember you would skip and tell me to go to the movies with you and I said I don’t want to get in trouble. Now here I am in prison, doing somebody else’s shit against the rules. Wonderful just wonderful.

Still haven’t heard anything from Liz, no calls, no visits no letters. I don’t know how much more of that I can handle. I love her I really do, but I have had nothing but silence for nearly six months now. I can’t begin to tell you how that makes me feel but I’ll try. It makes me feel mad that she would keep the kids from me, but then I feel terrible for being mad at her when this is all completely my fault that we’re in this situation at all. That feeling gets worse before it gets better, imagining her trying to balance everything all by herself. Getting Alister to school on time is no simple task all by itself I’m sure. I just know that every morning she’ll have to drag him out of bed cranky because he wants to sleep longer or watch cartoons but she’ll need him to eat breakfast quickly and he was always a slow eater. Not slow like a turtle but slow like a glacier. Every little thing must become so much harder when you have to do it all by yourself. I put her in that position so I don’t have the right to be mad at her. That’s when I start to beat myself up. It eats at me more and more each day that I believed that treacherous man at the bus stop, just waiting to prey upon some poor trusting fool. Man did I swallow that bait whole and even thank him for the hook in my mouth too.

What is wrong with me, I try to just be a decent hard working man doing an honest job diligently. Still I end up here, bars, concrete walls, fluorescent lighting that’s way too bright until it’s way too dark. Even on the outside I always worked so hard at my jobs but still got laid off every few months. Bosses always complimenting me on my great work ethic and workmanship but still letting me go. Like is there a sign on my forehead that just says, “disposable?” I certainly feel disposable. Between Kal and Trevor I’m afraid that at any given moment I might get torn open and thrown away like one of the tuna cans I use in my cooking class.

This brand of fear is different though. It’s not like the fear I had before of worrying I’d lose a job as soon as I’d started it, or the fear that the kids might fall off the playground and break an arm. This fear makes me hyper, makes me blink twice as much, and makes me eat more. I’m still losing weight even though I’m eating as much as I can stomach at every meal time. It’s so exhausting looking over your shoulder all the time, flinching at every sound. I wake up with my sheets and pillow soaked in sweat at least once a night. What should I do? I wish I could go back in time and just skip class and go to the movies with you instead of deal with all this.

vagabondprophet:

Balsa Wood

If I could remake you

Out of balsa wood

Would I?

You’d be lighter

Yet strong,

Easily take flight.

The wind would push

Against your wings

And caress your face.

Ascension, descension,

Thrown by the carelessness

Of the air and the sky.

Letting every splinter

Alter your course,

Dancing on the map.

Would you even return,

Fight the current

To come back to me.

I see you in the flesh

And swear

You’re something better

Could I set you free?

Free of the land

And free of me.

Knots and imperfections

Same as now,

But you would fly.

You belong

High above me,

A distant speck.

I can’t make this choice

I’m selfish in my love,

What say You?

Wind filled wingspan?

Or me, simply me,

Pink tongue, white teeth.

I’ll be yours

To hold and kiss,

To wriggle against.

I know it’s a poor choice.

I’ve always ruffled

One too many feathers.

So which is it?

The clouds,

Cotton and dewy.

Or me, simply me

I’ll hold you close

And love you tenderly.

If you wish

I’ll remake you

Out of balsa wood

But know that if

The gale proves too much,

You may return to me

I’d make you safe again

Peeling back every ring

Of that lovely balsa wood.

– Vagabond Prophet

vagabondprophet:

Unenlightening

I can hear it off the eaves

Drip drip drip.

Distant coyotes,

Yip yip yip.

The darkness and fog

Combine and decide,

Unenlightening.

Tonight we unenlighten.

The rain comes quicker

And thicker than before,

Making soil so fertile

As to be barren.

One dewy drop

Says to another,

“We’re so heavy, full of wet,

Tonight let’s unenlighten.”

That’s when I start to feel,

Along with tobacco smoke

Swirling in my mind,

I’m being unenlightened.

Flipping through your pages

Traditions get unraveled.

With your gold gilded edges,

The unenlightening is frightening.

Contradicting every wisdom

That I’ve ever known.

You put your trust in vagrants,

Rather than royalty.

You talked to strangers

Befriended cheats,

Trusted prostitutes,

Beguiling in the streets.

So I’ll do it I’ll commit,

To break the mold,

To be an idiot,

To become unenlightened.

Rain’s just pouring now,

I’ve just learned up is down,

Meaning we’re all drowning.

I’m the only one who knows.

Thank God for unenlightening.

– Vagabond Prophet

 The sun comes over the hills, carving the entire skyline in an instant with artists precision. 

Unreasonable faith says it will be the same as yesterday.

I believe it too.

Curiouser and curiouser.

Why should the past ensure the future?

All this wrestles uneasily, in my bones creating doubt.

Yet the sky remains the same.

Vagabond Prophet

Blood Red

They asked me what blood type I have,

I said the type that bleeds

When you break the skin.

I found that out

When I broke the skin.

So go ahead take what you need,

It’s similarly red

And I’ll soon be dead.

– Vagabond Prophet

Carried by the Wind

If you bleed out

Of all our veins,

I’ll still see you

In every drop that rains.

We can fill almost anything

Except this hole inside,

But I filled it once before

I filled it with the tide.

We go nowhere fast

Our swings don’t meet your pars.

I get farther than before

When I look unto your stars.

Our hearts are filled with sorrows

We sing songs of glee,

I find comfort in the rising waves

Of your endless see.

Our roots go so shallow

And we still think we’re ready,

The roots of your trees deeper

They are far more steady.

I find solace in an island

Under the burning sun,

It says I can survive

That there is hope in one.

When I see clouds approaching

I don’t know what they’re bringing

But I know you’ve sent them

To stop my ears ringing.

I looked at these mountains

And to me they have spoken,

They said you’re unshakeable

That you can’t be broken.

With our legs we run and trip

And get our knees skinned,

If we could just stop trying

We’d be carried by your wind.

– Vagabond Prophet

– Another really old one from ten years ago that I found in an old journal. That’s the last oldie I promise.