Solitary Refinement Chapter 11

Dear Joshua October 16th 2017

Hey I wanted to say something. Liz isn’t a bitch. I think that when I wrote you yesterday I was just venting because I was upset about Nina’s present I worked so hard to get for her get literally kicked to the curb. I still am upset but the things I said weren’t fair to say, especially about my own wife whom I love. She’s mad at me right now and I need to respect that, I’m the idiot that won’t stop poking my fingers into a situation she’s made pretty clear she wants me to stay out of for now. I guess I need to just not do anything for a while and let her come to me. I don’t know anymore it’s just so hard to not even try to do something for even the kids, especially with birthdays.

If you can think of any possible way I might be able to get through to her I’m all ears dude. It might seem crazy to you but I still miss her like you wouldn’t believe. Waking up next to her tomorrow morning would quite literally be a dream come true, especially considering that instead I’ll be waking up in a bunk bed above Kal. Right now I’m really hurt by her but this is all my fault anyways for being so stupid and naive I can’t really be mad at her.

I put her in this situation. Me, nobody else. One hundred percent my fault.

I hope she responds in the next few months. It’s just so hard to try and bridge the gap when I can’t even talk to her on the phone, just letters she can throw in the trash if she wants to. If I can’t get her to respond to me for my whole sentence I still know I’ll be able to get her to come around once I’m out, I always could even after years of me doing stupid crap that made her upset with me. I just need to be there in person than I know I can fix this. Come to think of it it seems like most of the time me ‘fixing’ it in the past wasn’t when I stopped doing what made her mad in the first place, like leaving the toilet seat up or inviting over guests without giving her a heads up. It was always when I’d take her out to a fancy restaurant and she could get dolled up. Or if I bought her a new outfit or paid for her to go to the spa with her friends. It was always that sort of thing that’d make her happy with me again. Didn’t matter that I’d have to do twelves for a week to pay for whatever I gave her, that’s what she wanted. What can you do right? That’s the queen I married and she wants to be treated like royalty, and I love her so I do. Just wasn’t enough sometimes.

Now I’m tired because I can’t sleep for fear of Kal. What I wouldn’t give to be tired because I had worked long hours to do something that made my lovely wife happy with her dummy of a husband again. Seriously I’ll listen to any idea you have at all no matter how crazy or far fetched it sounds, I’m so desperate to hear from her you have no idea.

vagabondprophet:

Solitary Refinement Chapter 10

Dear Joshua

October 15th 2017

What!? Are you serious?! Out on the curb with a free sign? Oh man that made me so upset I had to wait a few days to even reply to your letter. So I went to all the trouble to do extra work around here, often doing Trevor’s share too to get you that money. Then you wasted your own damn time picking that stupid trike up from whoever was selling it and dropped it off at my place. Liz knew exactly why it was there and still put it out on the curb. Did I ever tell you that I’m still giving Trevor my desserts as payment for that favour? I hope that little Nina didn’t see it and understand that it was meant for her before it got left out in the rain. I can see it all too clear in my head.

First she would see it and her eyes would light up, then she would start jumping up and down and giggling and screaming,

“Fir me fir me! Birfday Birfday yayyy!”

Then her brother would probably get her shoes and helmet while she was busy doing her happy dance so she could try it out right away. Then once she realized it was being taken away her mood would go back down, more slowly than it rose. Her grin would shift and tremble and then get stuck upside down. Her eyes would fill with tears as she tried to hold them back and then she wouldn’t be able to any longer and she’d just wail and wail and wail. Man I really hope that’s not how it went down.

What would she have said to poor little Nina?

“Sorry this isn’t for you?”

“This is here by mistake?”

“This is here from Daddy but you can’t have it?”

“Daddy is a bad guy and we don’t take things from bad guys?”

I just don’t get it man, it’s a birthday present for a child who has nothing to do with any of this. I hope Nina gets to have a fun party, she might not I was usually the one to plan all that and invite all her friends. This blows it’s not fair to anybody what does Liz think she’s gaining or doing by hurting her own daughter like this? It’s just so vindictive and bitchy. Freaking unbelievable.

Thanks anyways for doing all that work to get it to her, it must have been a pretty big inconvenience. Ugh this is so damn awful I can’t even think right now. I’ll try to think of something else for their Christmas presents once I’m not so upset. Her third birthday and I had one chance to do something special for her so she knows I’m still thinking of her and I blew it. What was I thinking if she’s not letting me see them why did I think she’d let them receive stuff from me. I guess I hoped she’d put the kids first.

vagabondprophet:

Balsa Wood

If I could remake you

Out of balsa wood

Would I?

You’d be lighter

Yet strong,

Easily take flight.

The wind would push

Against your wings

And caress your face.

Ascension, descension,

Thrown by the carelessness

Of the air and the sky.

Letting every splinter

Alter your course,

Dancing on the map.

Would you even return,

Fight the current

To come back to me.

I see you in the flesh

And swear

You’re something better

Could I set you free?

Free of the land

And free of me.

Knots and imperfections

Same as now,

But you would fly.

You belong

High above me,

A distant speck.

I can’t make this choice

I’m selfish in my love,

What say You?

Wind filled wingspan?

Or me, simply me,

Pink tongue, white teeth.

I’ll be yours

To hold and kiss,

To wriggle against.

I know it’s a poor choice.

I’ve always ruffled

One too many feathers.

So which is it?

The clouds,

Cotton and dewy.

Or me, simply me

I’ll hold you close

And love you tenderly.

If you wish

I’ll remake you

Out of balsa wood

But know that if

The gale proves too much,

You may return to me

I’d make you safe again

Peeling back every ring

Of that lovely balsa wood.

– Vagabond Prophet

Solitary Refinement Chapter 11

Dear Joshua October 16th 2017

Hey I wanted to say something. Liz isn’t a bitch. I think that when I wrote you yesterday I was just venting because I was upset about Nina’s present I worked so hard to get for her get literally kicked to the curb. I still am upset but the things I said weren’t fair to say, especially about my own wife whom I love. She’s mad at me right now and I need to respect that, I’m the idiot that won’t stop poking my fingers into a situation she’s made pretty clear she wants me to stay out of for now. I guess I need to just not do anything for a while and let her come to me. I don’t know anymore it’s just so hard to not even try to do something for even the kids, especially with birthdays.

If you can think of any possible way I might be able to get through to her I’m all ears dude. It might seem crazy to you but I still miss her like you wouldn’t believe. Waking up next to her tomorrow morning would quite literally be a dream come true, especially considering that instead I’ll be waking up in a bunk bed above Kal. Right now I’m really hurt by her but this is all my fault anyways for being so stupid and naive I can’t really be mad at her.

I put her in this situation. Me, nobody else. One hundred percent my fault.

I hope she responds in the next few months. It’s just so hard to try and bridge the gap when I can’t even talk to her on the phone, just letters she can throw in the trash if she wants to. If I can’t get her to respond to me for my whole sentence I still know I’ll be able to get her to come around once I’m out, I always could even after years of me doing stupid crap that made her upset with me. I just need to be there in person than I know I can fix this. Come to think of it it seems like most of the time me ‘fixing’ it in the past wasn’t when I stopped doing what made her mad in the first place, like leaving the toilet seat up or inviting over guests without giving her a heads up. It was always when I’d take her out to a fancy restaurant and she could get dolled up. Or if I bought her a new outfit or paid for her to go to the spa with her friends. It was always that sort of thing that’d make her happy with me again. Didn’t matter that I’d have to do twelves for a week to pay for whatever I gave her, that’s what she wanted. What can you do right? That’s the queen I married and she wants to be treated like royalty, and I love her so I do. Just wasn’t enough sometimes.

Now I’m tired because I can’t sleep for fear of Kal. What I wouldn’t give to be tired because I had worked long hours to do something that made my lovely wife happy with her dummy of a husband again. Seriously I’ll listen to any idea you have at all no matter how crazy or far fetched it sounds, I’m so desperate to hear from her you have no idea.

Solitary Refinement Chapter 10

Dear Joshua

October 15th 2017

What!? Are you serious?! Out on the curb with a free sign? Oh man that made me so upset I had to wait a few days to even reply to your letter. So I went to all the trouble to do extra work around here, often doing Trevor’s share too to get you that money. Then you wasted your own damn time picking that stupid trike up from whoever was selling it and dropped it off at my place. Liz knew exactly why it was there and still put it out on the curb. Did I ever tell you that I’m still giving Trevor my desserts as payment for that favour? I hope that little Nina didn’t see it and understand that it was meant for her before it got left out in the rain. I can see it all too clear in my head.

First she would see it and her eyes would light up, then she would start jumping up and down and giggling and screaming,

“Fir me fir me! Birfday Birfday yayyy!”

Then her brother would probably get her shoes and helmet while she was busy doing her happy dance so she could try it out right away. Then once she realized it was being taken away her mood would go back down, more slowly than it rose. Her grin would shift and tremble and then get stuck upside down. Her eyes would fill with tears as she tried to hold them back and then she wouldn’t be able to any longer and she’d just wail and wail and wail. Man I really hope that’s not how it went down.

What would she have said to poor little Nina?

“Sorry this isn’t for you?”

“This is here by mistake?”

“This is here from Daddy but you can’t have it?”

“Daddy is a bad guy and we don’t take things from bad guys?”

I just don’t get it man, it’s a birthday present for a child who has nothing to do with any of this. I hope Nina gets to have a fun party, she might not I was usually the one to plan all that and invite all her friends. This blows it’s not fair to anybody what does Liz think she’s gaining or doing by hurting her own daughter like this? It’s just so vindictive and bitchy. Freaking unbelievable.

Thanks anyways for doing all that work to get it to her, it must have been a pretty big inconvenience. Ugh this is so damn awful I can’t even think right now. I’ll try to think of something else for their Christmas presents once I’m not so upset. Her third birthday and I had one chance to do something special for her so she knows I’m still thinking of her and I blew it. What was I thinking if she’s not letting me see them why did I think she’d let them receive stuff from me. I guess I hoped she’d put the kids first.

vagabondprophet:

Balsa Wood

If I could remake you

Out of balsa wood

Would I?

You’d be lighter

Yet strong,

Easily take flight.

The wind would push

Against your wings

And caress your face.

Ascension, descension,

Thrown by the carelessness

Of the air and the sky.

Letting every splinter

Alter your course,

Dancing on the map.

Would you even return,

Fight the current

To come back to me.

I see you in the flesh

And swear

You’re something better

Could I set you free?

Free of the land

And free of me.

Knots and imperfections

Same as now,

But you would fly.

You belong

High above me,

A distant speck.

I can’t make this choice

I’m selfish in my love,

What say You?

Wind filled wingspan?

Or me, simply me,

Pink tongue, white teeth.

I’ll be yours

To hold and kiss,

To wriggle against.

I know it’s a poor choice.

I’ve always ruffled

One too many feathers.

So which is it?

The clouds,

Cotton and dewy.

Or me, simply me

I’ll hold you close

And love you tenderly.

If you wish

I’ll remake you

Out of balsa wood

But know that if

The gale proves too much,

You may return to me

I’d make you safe again

Peeling back every ring

Of that lovely balsa wood.

– Vagabond Prophet

Balsa Wood

If I could remake you

Out of balsa wood

Would I?

You’d be lighter

Yet strong,

Easily take flight.

The wind would push

Against your wings

And caress your face.

Ascension, descension,

Thrown by the carelessness

Of the air and the sky.

Letting every splinter

Alter your course,

Dancing on the map.

Would you even return,

Fight the current

To come back to me.

I see you in the flesh

And swear

You’re something better

Could I set you free?

Free of the land

And free of me.

Knots and imperfections

Same as now,

But you would fly.

You belong

High above me,

A distant speck.

I can’t make this choice

I’m selfish in my love,

What say You?

Wind filled wingspan?

Or me, simply me,

Pink tongue, white teeth.

I’ll be yours

To hold and kiss,

To wriggle against.

I know it’s a poor choice.

I’ve always ruffled

One too many feathers.

So which is it?

The clouds,

Cotton and dewy.

Or me, simply me

I’ll hold you close

And love you tenderly.

If you wish

I’ll remake you

Out of balsa wood

But know that if

The gale proves too much,

You may return to me

I’d make you safe again

Peeling back every ring

Of that lovely balsa wood.

– Vagabond Prophet

vagabondprophet:

The Fjord

In the maternity ward

You crossed the fjord.

Met the world screaming,

And I think

I must be dreaming.

You’re so perfect

In shape.

I’m fully, completely,

Captured.

In love.

Yours.

– Vagabond Prophet

vagabondprophet:

The Fjord

In the maternity ward

You crossed the fjord.

Met the world screaming,

And I think

I must be dreaming.

You’re so perfect

In shape.

I’m fully, completely,

Captured.

In love.

Yours.

– Vagabond Prophet