Tag: creative writing

Solitary Refinement Chapter 21


Dear Diary          February 14th 2017

I sent something to Liz for Valentines Day a few days ago. Return to Sender again. How can I stop this? I can’t make her accept the things I send to her and the kids, I can’t make her respond to me, and I can’t make her visit. I used to love Valentines Day, I wouldn’t do any overtime on those days so I could come home early. I’d swing open the door with flowers in my hand still in my overalls and dirty all over. She would give a rare smile and she’d be already dolled up with her hair up and a pretty dress on hoping I’d do something special and I never disappointed. I’d get a baby sitter and do a movie and a fancy dinner, after I got showered and dressed nicely myself. The whole time I was getting ready Liz would be positively giddy, just kind of giggling and bouncing on the spot like Nina, “come on, come on!”

Sometimes we’d even drive to the city and see a play, a big production, and we’d get champagne during the intermission. Those days I spared no expense. When we got home she would check to see that the kids were asleep and then practically throw me into bed. Unzipping her dress in one quick motion that I’m still replaying in my head, and unbuttoning my shirt while I fall backwards onto the bed. She always got so excited about sex on Valentines Day, any time I went over the top with spoiling ourselves really. I was always excited by her beauty, and I always wanted to spoil her too. I would have done all those extravagant things everyday if I could have. I would always have to make up for how expensive those nights were by working at least twelve hour days the rest of the month.

It was always worth it, not just for the great sex but to see Liz get excited about going out. To see her all ready to go as soon as I get home, electric with energy and bouncing just like our little girl, she so rarely got excited about anything that it was so great for me to see. The kids I could always make happy, just doing anything with them, all they ever wanted was my time and attention. Liz though, it was so hard to make her smile or even seem happy sometimes. I tried though, that’s all I ever did.

Rockets and Lullabies

vagabondprophet:

Rockets and lullabies,

Things that light the skies.

One to bring sweet dreams,

One to bring on screams.

One source of light

Has enough might

To light up the sky

Can we just try?

Can we try it once?

I’m not asking months.

In twenty four hours

We can ask the powers.

Which did you prefer?

When it did occur.

Fire and death,

Or a steady sleeping breath?

We tell children lullabies

Before we say goodbyes.

Aren’t we fighting for them?

Those green and budding stems.

Let’s preserve those thoughts,

The ones about lemons and apricots.

Not nightmares and bombs

That flatten pulses found in palms.

– Vagabond Prophet

Gesticulation Tower

vagabondprophet:

Pinstriped in the front standing

Just a little higher than everybody,

Our attention you’re demanding.

I’ve got to say you look smug,

Do you really believe

This’ll fit beneath a rug?

You’ll come falling down I say

Can’t say when,

But there’ll come a day.

Like Genghis Khan

Realizing defeat

Woebegone.

You’ll lose all your power

That you’ve clung to

In your gesticulation tower.

– Vagabond Prophet

Evergreen

Twisting and turning,

Sinews yearning.

For every rivulet.

Taking the hard way

Taking the easy way,

Whatever the heart desires.

Splitting stones asunder

To take its plunder.

Rich dark soil.

Fortifying Vessels

Nautical wrestles.

Carry me across the sea.

Winter might

Brutal white.

Sorting deciduous, evergreen.

Dieing yearly,

Rather queerly.

Just a little cold is all.

But evergreens don’t listen

To what the weather man has christened.

Fruitful all year long.

Hardy, immovable.

A truth that’s not removable.

That’s how I want to be.

Evergreen.

Never dead.

– Vagabond Prophet

Little Knots

Does your faith evaporate

Like water

On a hot sidewalk?

And children trample

On the remnant of your hopes.

What then?

Do you still believe?

When your heart

Undoes its rivets,

To let itself topple

Like a rookie jenga match.

Does your faith endure

The torrent of survival,

The steady drip of living.

Can it survive a head wound?

Or being trapped in a storm

With no way home?

It could be different you know,

You could let him carry you,

And work out the little knots in your soul.

Just know when your faith

In him is shaken,

His in you is not.

– Vagabond Prophet

Pocket of Tears

If you’re crying

And you can’t stop,

Follow these simple steps.

Don and button

Your least favourite coat,

Just trust me.

Catch every tear

Into a single pocket

Until it’s brimming.

Then take that pocket

Sew it shut,

If just so you can shed it.

We must unclothe

Our deepest sadness,

No one is warmed by grief.

Now burn it all

Yes the coat too,

For no one is warmed by grief.

– Vagabond Prophet

Solitary Refinement Chapter 20

Dear Diary                                    January 11th 2017

Okay, peanut butter mystery solved holy shit. This guy named Phil who I’ve never spoken to before but the word is he said something about Trevor to somebody, something he ought not have. I don’t know how but Trevor has dirt on everybody, I wonder what he knows about me. Anyways Phil was eating his oatmeal at breakfast and got up to use the washroom, while he was gone one of Trevor’s pals stirred that peanut butter into the oatmeal quickly.

    Phil came back, had three quick spoonfuls and then was on the ground gasping for air, trying to scream for help but no sound came. His face went red, and then blue and nobody did a thing. After several minutes a guard, a new face, came and called for first aid and now I think he’s getting care in the hospital wing. He was without air for several minutes, I wonder if he has brain damage, and I wonder what he said about Trevor to deserve this. That guy worries me more and more, and I’m taking orders from him. Wonderful, just wonderful. I’m the guy who supplied that damn peanut butter. I’m an accomplice to this, will there be an investigation? I could have my sentence extended if I aided in this crime, he could have died, he may have brain damage. Yet if I don’t do what Trevor says who knows what he’ll do to me.

    This is the only place where I don’t have to hide feelings anymore. Where I can talk about how I’ve been feeling. It’s like I’m in the part of a movie where nothing could get worse, the enemy is closing in and the sky is dark. Right at the darkest moment the sun breaks through the clouds and somebody comes to the rescue, riding over the hill and cutting through the enemies army straight towards me. As if the hero were a compass finally finding true north. Right now I feel like I’m at that part of the story, but nobody comes. They just close in ever closer, I can see the flecks of black in their irises, the sweat dripping of the ends of noses, trickling in time with their steps.

    Is there a way out of this, can I be the hero? Do I have what it takes to save myself? I used to make up stories for Alister with brave and noble heroes, they could get out of any situation. They were as nimble with their tongues as they were with their swords, half the time stopping a conflict before it arose, winning enemies over to the cause of justice. Yet when they did fight boy could they fight, every blow finding home, not a stroke wasted and never was being outnumbered a cause to be distressed. I wonder now if Alister thought his daddy could be such a hero, that if he was stuck I might be able to save him in such a splendid display of courage and skill. I certainly know now that that’s not me, it feels like it’s all I know sometimes. I’m not enough, not enough muscle, not enough charm, not enough intelligence, not enough courage. Too much anxiety, too much idiocy, too much fear.

Still I wonder, with nobody to save me,

Can I save myself?

Solitary Refinement Chapter 19

Medical Report                                   December 11th 2017

Inmate #: 34653

Sex: Male

Age: 30

Affliction: Split lip, bruising around the eye and eyebrow.

Cause: Tripped down a flight of stairs.

Treatment: Disinfect cut in the lip. Swelling should go down in a few days.